Dear Kevin,

I guess it's sort of silly to be writing a letter to a cat. However, to me, you were always more than that. My best friend, my buddy. You were always there, ready to play or snuggle or just chill out on my stomach. I remember a lot of things about you. I spend hours in my day recalling memories because I don't want them to fade. The time you climbed the walls at the A-Frame, when you destroyed nearly everything of value at my mom's house when we had to stay there, the blanket my mom had that you loved. These things are pieces in a chain. I remember when you got neutered, I couldn't pick you up from the Humane Society because I had to work late, so my mom got you and took you back to the A Frame. She said she walked in a room full of cats each with a tiny blanket over them, you were curled up covered in a blue blanket. I came home from work, excited to see my boy. You were still doped up, but you tried so hard to greet me like you did everyday. You fell over twice.

You loved people, and in turn, everyone loved you. I was always so happy to see you out mingling at my birthday parties with the other guests. Laps, no matter whose, were always within your domain. You were just so friendly, funny and awesome. The way you would taunt other cats, or eat bugs. You always knew when I was down or sick. You would always come and sleep near me, usually between my legs, under a blanket. You loved being under the blankets. You would stay for hours on end and when you would finally leave, your fur would stick up from static and it was so hot to the touch.

The cat nip leopard print mouse, the tuxedo collar that you always tore off, the heart shaped cat collar Enoch got me for secret santa, all the torn up carpets, couch arms, sweaters. The places I made you live, the cats, the dogs, the people, you put up and loved all of them. Eating grass, sunbathing, the look you gave me every time I opened a window. Pieces in a chain.

You died a year ago today. It still makes me sad. I'm not quite concrete on the details even still. I didn't find out until days later. It was a Thursday. I let you outside. You were always good about staying around the house. I can only imagine that you followed Charlie across 10th St. And a car struck you on the way. I'm not sure who. The Animal Control people said they got a call from a couple and when they came to pick you up, they found you in the grass near the curb. It was 8 pm, . I called for you everyday, frequently. I asked neighbors, peeked in basements thinking you had gotten in. No avail.

I got the call at work, the lady at Animal Control was very nice. I sent her a thank you card. I didn't know what to do. I was in hysterics all day, crying constantly. I got a lot of supportive phone calls from people who had known you, which was nice, and very appreciated. My mom and I picked you up from Animal Control; I couldn't bear to see your body, so my mom went and saw you. I had brought a Tierra Farm Salted Mixed Nuts box in which to carry your body. I distinctly remember seeing my mom in the side mirror carrying that box and crying also. We got you cremated. Before we left you with the vet, I whispered parting words into the box. I hope you heard them. Your remains are on my desk in front of me right now in a white plastic cylinder with your name on it. Kevin/Feline. I can't decide what to do with them. I don't know if I ever will.

I don't regret letting you outside that night or ever. You loved it. You ate so much grass, so many bugs. You would chase Charlie around the yard and across the street. You would join us on the porch for beers and belly rubs. I just regret not keeping an eye on you that night.

I live in Portland, Oregon now. I know that you probably don't have a clue what that means. You would love it here, although I don't think you would appreciate the rain much. I think of you daily, your pictures hang on my fridge. Ethan is somewhere, I hope alive in a nice home with a loving family. Charlie, is somewhere, I hope alive in a nice home with a loving family. I feel like I let them down, I feel guilty about the way I left them. I got a "K" tattooed on my arm so that I can always remember and think you for the rest of my life. Maybe that's a tad silly, but it looks great and I don't regret it. I still see you often in my dreams.

I miss you, and would give just about anything to have you here with me. Maybe then things wouldn't be so lonely. I love you also, always will, and I don't think I'm the only one. You were a great cat, a lot of fun, and amazing. I had you for 6 years of my life. Six important years. You stayed through a lot of great times, a lot of hard times, a lot of shitty times, 2 serious girlfriends, 5 residences, countless friends/visitors.

I'm not sure how to end this.

I love you buddy and maybe I'll see you again someday.

Take care,

Mike

TOP 15 RECORDS.

I guess you could say that in my spare time here in Portland I've been listening to a lot of music. The fact of the matter is I'm always listening to music; it's an obsession of mine and I'm always scouring for new music to get excited about. It's fun. It's what separates a pedestrain from a fanatic. However, I do have mainstays in my collection, that piece of plastic or wax, that I continually go to when I just need a refresher course, when I've lost faith in new music or to be reminded of a time in my life.

So, as of right now, it is 11:50 am in Portland, Oregon on Saturday February 3rd, and this is my top 15 records of all time (as of right now). I'll spare the long winded reviews on some and add a little spice to others.

1) DRIVE LIKE JEHU - self-titled (Headhunter)
The number one spot is always tough to decide. The rule goes that the top 3 should always be interchangeable, but stay constant. Drive Like Jehu are a force. When I first heard this record, it was one of those rare moments where you get so caught up in something, spine tingling, eye wide open, in the zone. My mind was beaming. It's a hard choice between the s/t record and Yank Crime, their later full length. They are both completely excellent. But I'm sticking with the first Jehu record I heard, the gateway into many dynamic records I've bought since.

2) THE CLASH - London Calling (Epic)
The Clash really had it on this record. You just can't fuck with "Clampdown."

3) JAWBREAKER - Dear You (DGC/8 Ball)
Much like the Jehu record above, this is one of those records that just grabbed me from second one. Juvenile Wreck was on tour and staying in Warren, PA. Eric Peabody had a copy and put it on. I was just gone after that. In an amazing twist of fate, Mel (our drummer), had brought a copy of Dear You with her on tour and on that historic 23 hour drive back home I don't think it left my discman. It was all over from there. I listen to this record probably the most consistent and it always drudges up those old familiar feelings. As I move on in my life with this record, new emotions, instances and people get attached to it. I just can't explain properly how important this record is to me.

4) FUGAZI - End Hits (Dischord)
This was a tough call. Both recorded near each other, Red Medicine and End Hits are indisputably the best Fugazi records. End Hits is just jaw dropping, this is where Fugazi really caught their stride; their peak even. The songs just flat out rock, but they are weird and go through amazing tempos. You can't fuck with the drums on this and Guy's songs are some of the best he's ever written.

5) NEUTRAL MILK HOTEL - In the Aeroplane Over the Sea (Merge)
See the Drive Like Jehu review, change all the names. I really can't thank Lisa enough for exposing me to this record. Aeroplane will always stay with me and it will always reside in my top 5. Completely phenomenal.

6) ELLIOTT SMITH - XO (Dreamworks)
Tough call between XO and Figure 8. Both are pretty incredible. If not for "Bottle Up and Explode!", Figure 8 might be in this spot.

7) SUPERDRAG - Head Trip in Every Key (Capitol)
Okay, so maybe this band only got popular and signed to a major because of the success of Weezer. And their debut shows it, Regretfully Yours while good, just lacks the proper personality. When Superdrag released Head Trip in Every Key, it was universally hated. However, anyone who isn't a complete dunce, should know that this is truly an ambitious record, the best Superdrag album, and one of the most beautiful rock records ever produced. Sure, there's some stinkers on here a lot of which is just dated crap so far out of context (your alternative station is a bankrupt vibration?) but that aside, the amazing out-weighs the bad by heavy numbers. I really find it hard to do better than "Pine Away", "The Art of Dying" (a sitar? What?), and the completely sad herion anthem "Annetichrist."

8) CHARLIE BROWN GETS A VALENTINE - Dismissed (Whoa Oh)
Yet another record that just sweeps me back to a certain time and memories. If CBGaV had 't have come to Columbia on tour with the Ergs, I probably would have missed out on this. The crutch of CBGaV is their lyrics. The lyrics on this record are just so amazing, but that's not to say that the rest is just pop punk slop. Charlie Brown got away with a very hard pairing of musical stylings. I would say that this record is equal parts pop, punk, and the DC sound of yonder. 2 singers, one sweet as pie, one harsh. You sing your guts out to this record and get chills in the process. It's a magical record really. Too bad it was their last.

9) BLAKE - s/t (Blue Skies Turn Black/Mintaka Conspiracy)
Justin Nardy gave me this record for my birthday one year. And it sat, and sat and sat. I'm bad with records that way. I'd never heard them and while I was grateful for the gift, I just never really got around to it. One day a bug jumped up my ass and I put this 12" on the slab and connected the needle. WOW. I've always been a fan of that mid 90's DC post punk/hardcore/whatever sound. It's by far my biggest quest in finding some of these bands. Blake is just a knock out. Completely unknown and gone, but this record documents a band in its finest form. Amazing attack of great drumming, guitar work and call and response singing/yelling. If you can find a copy of this, or any Blake records, get them.

10) OKKERVIL RIVER - Black Sheep Boy (Jagjaguwar)
Once again, this is a band I sat on for a bit. Okkervil River was coming into town with the Decemberists and I had decided to pick up Don't Fall in Love with Everything You See in order to familiarize myself pre-show. I didn't like it much. Some songs were good, others weren't. But I was still going to the show, and they reeled me in, but I was still putting up a fight. So Black Sheep Boy comes out and I don't get it. Wasn't all that interested I guess. And then Jace burns me a copy about a year after its release. I'm such a moron. This record is fantastic. I immediately got Okkervil River. I needed everything they've ever done after that. This album remains the best thing they've done yet.

11) Q AND NOT U - Power (Dischord)
Power? Really? Yes. Q and not U's swan song isn't anything like their other records. I LOVE Q and not U's other records, but Power isn't like those. I hated it at first because of this. The high singing, the non-guitar playing, keyboard and beat driven songs. What is this shit? Admittedly, it was quite a trial to continually give this record a chance. I can't explain it, but one day it just clicked. Maybe I dropped some of my earlier notions, I don't know. This is by far, the best Q and not U record. It's amazing! The songs just pop and you want to get down. Fun all around. I thought it would be hard to edge out No Kill No Beep Beep, but I think this record has done it.

12) ARCADE FIRE - Funeral (Merge)
You've read all the reviews, the hype, you've seen the videos, the shows, the Pitchfork cock stroking. I bought all of that hook, line and sinker. Thankfully, there's an incredible album to back it all up.

13) GIANTSCHAIR - Purity and Control (Caulfield)
Hailing from Kansas City, MO (a short drive from my hometown) I only managed to see this band once. It was in the meeting room of the college radio station KCOU. You know, I was 13 maybe, so I don't remember much (although I do remember that they were playing with Rocket Fuel is the Key). The drummer gave us some stickers that I immediately put on anything just because I thought it was so cool to have band stickers, regardless of band. So let's fast forward. Nardy had a copy of Purity and Control in his collection. As roommates tend to do, we exchanged records from time to time. Nardy has good taste in records, so I figured I should give Giantschair a chance and see what I missed out on. In short, Giantschair is one of my favorite bands, ever. I can't explain it past that. Both of their records and all their ep's are just out of this world. It's not suicide it's only self-control.

14) HOT SNAKES - Automatic Midnight (Swami)
Adorned in a neon orange jewel case, I picked up Automatic Midnight on a whim. I had heard that John Reis of Rocket From the Crypt was in the band. In the history of the start of records, I don't think any record shakes you alive like the start of "If Credit's What Matters, I'll Take Credit." This is just a sonic blast of downstroke guitar pummeling and hoarse throat screaming.

15) ELVIS COSTELLO - My Aim is True (Columbia)
Sewing up the top 15, Elvis Costello. What can I say here? It's Elvis Costello. Really, any of his records could sit in this spot. The guy is a legend, he is the best. If you haven't made out to Elvis Costello, you just haven't lived.


*

Well that was fun.

Things are okay. Dead Mechanical full length is nearly on its way out. School is fine. Still lonely, but learning to live with it.

More some other time.

m